"Almost" is the saddest word in the dictionary. It's like looking through a glass window and seeing the thing you desire the most. That throbbing pain in your chest of never having it. How can you see what is in front of you when you are blinded by the desire that fuels your drive? How will you know that what is in front of you is the one that is meant for you if you keep longing for something so far? It is never about fear or loss or tragedy. Always about hope and dreams and of course, love. Never the bitter but always the sweet. The journey is indeed the destiny, for when you are there what is left to do? Bathe in the honey that is your success and after that what? All that is left is a rusty trophy that would eventually collect dust through the coming years. What comes after the glory? I am at that point where I question myself "What am I doing here?". That nagging little voice inside my head with three simple words that strike me "Are you happy?". So I stopped and considered the things I did that led me to this exact moment. What was the purpose of everything I did to get here? Then it hit me, something I once knew was missing. Something that moved me to be here and do what it is that I am doing, Passion. That current that passes through your veins when you do something that you love and that loves you back. I have forgotten to be passionate or as the Mad hatter in Alice in Wonderland would say, my "muchness". I have been described as a lot of things these past years but never "feisty" or as Tyra Banks would say "Fierce" and so I round up my guts and prepared to go on a quest of which I have to say Disney played a huge influence in. I shall call it "Finding My Mojo". It is not as easy as getting a cup of coffee or going on a soul searching journey. So I start again from my roots and seek my seed. Hoping to find that core that is my passion, Writing.

This side up ♥

They say when you're down there's nowhere to go but up -- but why does it feel like I've been stuck here for so long I can't even remember how I got here. Life decisions are tricky, people will tell you to go with the flow and let it be but how I wish that I was strong enough to fight the current. I feel as if I'm wandering. Gravitating to something that's been pulling me. I just don't quite know what it is yet. I don't know how long I should stay afloat.. is it East? West perhaps? I really don't know. You know it's been the longest time since I got the courage to write again? Because I'm afraid of what the outcome might be. I'm afraid how sharp the edges of my words cut deep into me. Cliche as it may seem I feel as though I am hanging by a thread here... out of job.. out of money.. out of dream.. that's what pains me the most.. I have lost my passion.. I have lost my core. I need to find me. It's worse than having suffered a heart break -- as if I lost part of my soul.

Piece of a Web

This was something I wrote for someone special to me..

9/21/10

Have i told you lately?

I wanted to thank you for everything you have given me..
More than you think you have.. you have given me love
You have shown me hope.. you gave me will..
You made me better

I never understood when the pastor said that "Love is patient, love is kind."
But you showed me.. you showed me that when you love someone
No matter how much they push you away.. those were the times that they needed you to stay..
"It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
You always make me feel safe.. your arms are my shelter and your heart is my home..

Forgive me my baby for being unkind..
I'm sorry for the times I have taken you for granted
Forgive me for thinking such things about you..
I'm sorry for not loving you the way i was supposed to..
understand you the way you should be understood..

As the song goes, I can only give you love that lasts forever..
And my promise to be near each time you call..
But the only heart I own.. is for you and you alone..
Thank you for all the kindness that you've shown..

We do not know what the future holds..
All i know is that right now you are my light
You are the soul of my being..
You are the core of my heart..

I love you baby and I will gladly give my all to be with you..
Have your child someday and start our family
Take care of you..
Grow old with you..

Now i know why God put me through all these..
To be strong and hold your hand
When that time finally comes..
I love you my angel..